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The obsoleted Poot 2000

I came across the following exchange when clearing out some files.

It's a series of messages sent via with someone I used to chat with online.

I kept the messages because I thought they were hilarious. I still do.

I wonder what James Sparshott is up to now.

6 December 1999

Dear Mr Sparshott.

Following your recent enquiries I have edited down the product profile of the Poot 2000 to be of a more acceptable length. On investigation, our staff found that the inclusion of music and film tastes were what caused you to think the Poot 2000 had so many features. We would be grateful if you could check your equipment again and confirm that it is now no longer OTT. Thank you for your patience.


P. Poot (Mrs)

7 December 1999

Dear Mrs P Poot,

It is with regret that I inform you that I see very little difference in the modifications that your company have made to the goods that you produce. I have perused the aforementioned goods specifications to find that your claims, although literally correct, still have not defined the goods true features. Cutting back on frills does not add to the quality. I notice that the goods enjoy Tomb raider. This is good.


Mr Sparklehot

8 December 1999

Dear Mr Spanklebot,

Thank you for your letter of 7 Dec. I am sorry that you did not notice the differences we made to the specifications of the Poot 2000. As you know, the Poot 2000 is soon to become obsolete. I can offer you a 50% discount on the 2000 model. Otherwise, perhaps I can interest you in the Poot 2001 (now in black, purple or royal blue) or the Poot 2010 (with attachments for underwater use). Let me know if you would like further information on either of these.


P. Poot (Mrs)

9 December 1999

Dear Mrs P Poot,

Thank you for your quick response to my last mail. After careful consideration, I should like to purchase 3 of your Poot 2001 (preferably in black) for my own personal use. Can you tell me if this model has a grinding mechanism? Also, I am intrigued about the 2010's underwater attachments. Can you tell me more about them? I will pay, as requested, 50% of the retail price.

Regards, Mr Speakshite

13 December 1999

Dear Mr Sparkrot,

The 50% discount referred to the obsoleted Poot 2000, not the Poot 2001. If would still like the Poot 2001 (3 black, noted), you will be required to undergo a medical examination to ensure you are not suffering from any heart conditions. The Poot 2010's underwater attachments don't include grinding, but pumping and mulching. Please refer to the enclosed catalogue for a full list of features, colours and flavours.


P. Pout (Ms)

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