Wednesday, 10 Feb 2010
I was surprised to realise that I felt short-tempered the morning of my appointment at the breast diagnostic clinic.
After bickering with Frank, I apologised and explained I was feeling angry. After this it was manageable.
In the car on the way I started writing notes in case this was going to turn into something big and I would later want to document how I felt.
I wondered how I would feel if they gave me the all-clear - what I would do. I imagined that I would probably celebrate with a too-big meal.
In the two weeks since seeing the GP, I was very clear in my mind that I wouldn't tell friends and family as it could turn out to be nothing. I didn't want it to cloud relationships and be the only or first thing that people thought about when they thought about me.
I decided that I would only say anything if I couldn't avoid it because of visible changes from therapy. But a few days later, I wanted to mention it to the two friends who had cancer.
I ended with:
I am worried about worrying Frank.
I am getting more hugs.
Thank goodness for anti-depressants.
The breast diagnostic clinic in the King Edward VII hospital in Windsor is called The Parapet. It's a small building at the side of the hospital grounds with its own car park and 'pink' garden, which I spotted when I was in the waiting room.
It was s nice and warm inside and had a friendly - homely - feel. There were two reception areas, each with a desk and a waiting area. The clinic reception was at not the one I had entered next to.
I checked in and was given a form to fill in while I was waiting. It asked for my name, medications and for any family history of breast cancer. I decided not to let the situation get me down and gave my age with accuracy to the half year.
At the end, I was asked to rate my stress level the last year. I stared at the question for a few seconds because it implied that my stressful recent years might have contributed to my sitting in a clinic about a lump I had found.
I was called by a nurse before I finished completing the form. (to be continued...)